tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post8277943982316459008..comments2022-10-31T06:42:52.585-07:00Comments on Goddess of the Stars and the Sea: Romance excerpt contestJodine Turnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06583269371871355740noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-15894622248021011452011-06-14T05:57:15.294-07:002011-06-14T05:57:15.294-07:00Lovely!
I agree with the previous comments about ...Lovely!<br /><br />I agree with the previous comments about info dumping. It's pulls you away from the momebt. Also, because we are in his head, you could forgo the number of the pronouns 'he'. <br /><br />Also, like introducing magic upfront and ending with magic.<br /><br />Good work!<br />PS: thanks for dropping by the SpecSalonEW Gibsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15803476800662414598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-18084292366725658002011-06-13T07:59:51.658-07:002011-06-13T07:59:51.658-07:00thank you everyone for your feedback.
Best of luck...thank you everyone for your feedback.<br />Best of luck to us all!Jodine Turnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06583269371871355740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-38572695638357280472011-06-12T20:33:53.103-07:002011-06-12T20:33:53.103-07:00I'll agree with the comments about backstory. ...I'll agree with the comments about backstory. Interesting concept! Love the inner turmoil, you captured it well! One little thing, seems to repeat the idea of him being trained in magic as a child. Good luck!M.J. Schiller, Romance Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14476194871809107430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-49549132645302205652011-06-12T20:23:50.168-07:002011-06-12T20:23:50.168-07:00I've got to echo all the other comments. Good ...I've got to echo all the other comments. Good writing but a bit boggy on the back story. The setting and character names are great. As is the stale current cake and a mug (not tea cup) of tea.Nicole M. Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09137662803713363466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-9136647435365133372011-06-12T17:46:59.938-07:002011-06-12T17:46:59.938-07:00I agree with the other comments. This is a nice de...I agree with the other comments. This is a nice description of how he feels toward Sharay - really makes me wonder what the story is with her. Why is she just a memory? Why isn't he with her?Margay Leah Justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490126898758440254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-37414172952368104192011-06-12T15:41:47.136-07:002011-06-12T15:41:47.136-07:00Love the last line! I also love that you posted a ...Love the last line! I also love that you posted a unique love scene, because she's not really there with him, it's his "ah ha" moment, but even with her not physically present, it's still got this tension of the love scene with his thoughts about her.<br /><br />I think it can be trimmed down a smidge, but keep the italicized thoughts for sure. We really got a sense of his passionate side that he seemed to be fighting.Kaylee Baldwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707226153627779741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-81320943713604973582011-06-12T11:53:12.810-07:002011-06-12T11:53:12.810-07:00His thoughts are passionate and well drawn, but th...His thoughts are passionate and well drawn, but there's too much backstory in between. We don't need his whole life story in one scene. it slows the pace and grinds the narrative to a standstill.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-59885252164239141432011-06-12T11:44:59.667-07:002011-06-12T11:44:59.667-07:00I love the memories of Sharay--very well written--...I love the memories of Sharay--very well written--and I liked his actions, indicating his emotions. I really liked it was done with tea and muffin! However, you seem to have put his life-history in there, too. That's backstory and dulls the narrative, IMO.<br />Good luck!Ben and Melora Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06805544172591241334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809009910018488566.post-27585491830206577292011-06-12T09:24:48.059-07:002011-06-12T09:24:48.059-07:00I love the back and forth in his internal monologu...I love the back and forth in his internal monologue. That's how so many of us think, isn't it?<br /><br />The one suggestion I might make is to keep him a little bit more on topic. At times, his non-italicized thoughts veer into the land of info-dumping, like you want to get the whole history of them in this little 750-word snippet. I think you can get away with doing just enough exposition to hook the reader and then deal with more of their complicated past (and his struggle with the magic in his life) later on.<br /><br />I really love how attached you can feel to him in just this little bit, though. In under a thousand words, I get that he's struggling with reconciling his love for her with his desire to have the magic completely out of his life.Cyndy Aleohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08084739439282811999noreply@blogger.com